Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
