I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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