i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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