i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
