I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize