I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
love makes seman taste better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
