..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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