If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
