Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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