Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
