Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
