He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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