final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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