So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
