i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
