If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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