I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
