I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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