hotel room ftw
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
