a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
