idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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