My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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