I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
