i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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