i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
