Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
