Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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