I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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