She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm having to shit out rocks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
