happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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