Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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