fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
