if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
