i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
