Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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