Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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