Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
