I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
