I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
