Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
