you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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