It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
