it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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