the condom got lost in my hair
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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