yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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