the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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