i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize