maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
