watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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