I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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