I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
