Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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