is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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