But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize