She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
