so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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