dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
