Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
