OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
