the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
