ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
