So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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