Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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