If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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