I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
