oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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