Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
