I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
