My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
