Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
