I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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