my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
