I'm jealous of your bromance
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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