I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
