I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
