I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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