my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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