Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize