there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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