He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
