Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
