This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
