Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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