I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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