I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize