My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
