Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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