So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
