eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
