I think im going to throw up on grandma
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
