Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
