K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
