I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
