Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize