I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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