I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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