she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
