this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
