i wish my penis had a tongue
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I checked into jail on foursquare
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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